Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Shave the whales

Bliar has been off on his travels again. This time, he's been off around Europe trying to save the world. Well, he's telling us all that we have to save the planet (we have to do it, not him or his party), that big blob between Venus and Mars. Nice idea, Tony. Tell everyone (after Al Gore's been telling everyone for over 20 years) that the earth is dying, and scare them so shitless that they'll forget about the illegal and immoral war in Iraq and all the lives that have been ruined at home and abroad as a result of his policy of saying "yes, master" every time Bush says jump (only, disagree with him once in a while to make it look like you're your own man).

Now, Tony is a proven liar, so do you believe him on all this climate change crap? Would you believe Prudence Brown? I'd not trust either of them (or anyone else in the Labour party) as far as I would throw them, nor would I piss on them if they were on fire. Bliar and Brown have not only brought this country to the brink of bankruptcy with their frequent and expensive military incursions (of course, not one penny goes on extra personnel or equipment, and many of our soldiers have died due to inadequate materiel, and the fact that that the Yanks, whose wars these are, lest we forget, are not there to take the bullets and bombs instead), they've fooled the population into thinking we have a booming economy. That'd be why Marks and Spencer no longer has any clothes made in the UK and financial institutions are outsourcing customer service operations to the Indian sub-continent. No, the two crooks who have been allowed to run this country into the ground for the last nine and a half years suddenly care about the planet because they now see it as a way to raise taxes to pay for more wars and more bribes, more bureaucracy and more obfuscation. Last night, some back-bench Labour MPs forgot they had a conscience, or forgot where the House Of Commons was, and Teflon Tony escaped, yet again, the kicking he's due. Here's hoping the Labour gravy train comes off the rails before the Yanks are stupid enough to put another Republican in the White House.

So, now they're playing into the hands of the hippies and the crusties and the namby-pamby, left wing, one-armed, black, lesbian vegetarian brigade who sit around, or up, trees in their multi-coloured crocheted cardigans eating mung bean soup and telling us how we're not doing right by the planet, before they roll a spliff and fuck up their own tiny minds. Soon, normal, freedom-loving individuals like you and me will be confined to quarters, too scared or too poor to venture out even to look at the wonders of nature, never mind walk round the corner to the local Asian-run mini-market for our pot noodles and multipack of Pepsi. What the hell are we going to do? Well, here's a plan. Feel free to use it and call it your own:

1. Don't fly. Only the rich should be able to fly, and only BA should be able to operate an airline.

2. Get rid of your car and travel to work by public transport. You will, of course, have to have a long list of excuses for your boss as you will never be on time.

3. Don't buy anything that comes pre-packaged. Take bags, boxes, jars and any other vessels to the shops (on the bus!) to collect your shopping. You may, in the short-term, find that most retailers will refuse to sell unpacked goods, in which case, buy them in the packaging, decant them into your chosen vessel and hand the packaging back to the retailer for disposal. Soon, he'll have to pay to have his rubbish taken away, as will you and I. Erm, hold on a mo, isn't that what Council Tax is for????

4. Don't ever go on holiday, including a walking holiday. Even the slightest movement could make the earth unstable, and will damge soil. Any form of travel, including a bicycle, which uses valuable air in its tyres, is harmful to the environment.

5. Due to the high risks involved in working (fuel for motorised transport, communicable diseases, the ability and right to purchase pre-packaged goods, the liability to pay ever-increasing taxes), it would be advisable to quit your job. This way, you will not be able to afford transport, food (packaged, unpackaged, processed, organic, etc.) holidays and any other potentially dangerous activity or commodity.

6. Wrap yourself in bio-degradable material. Curl up into a ball and die.

Hope this helps.